Predicting And Preventing Problems After Divorce, Eviction, And Redundancy

Problem - Redundant

 Years ago I was made redundant at an advertising agency.

Cause

It was not my fault. The company had lost contracts. 

Help

When Personnel gave me the bad news, they went through a relevant newspaper, found me two jobs to apply for. They helpfully printed off a cv for me to send and stuck it in the envelope.

They also rang up another company, explained my situation. Then, they put me on the phone for an initial phone interview, arranging for me to go to the office for an interview. 

Success

When I left I had a new job to go to.

If you lose your job, or are out of work, you might be unable to pay rent and bills. This can lead to eviction.

Eviction

The person being evicted might have nowhere to go. The stress of leaving their home could overwhelm them.

Pictures in public domain under eviction from Wikipedia.

Divorce

Being homeless can lead to divorce. Divorce can lead to financial disputes. Also custody of children battles. Divorce can be the result of financial problems. Or the cause of them.

For one person, divorce can be news of a new start. For another it can be the end.

Marriage guidance is there to try to help prevent divorce. But where is the help for those divorcing?

Lawyers tend to go into battle to help their client financially. Some lawyers encourage mediation.

Another factor contributing to divorce, and depression, is bereavement.

If you think of the mind as like a see-saw, put too many items on the negative side and the see-saw goes down. You need to have something on the positive side.

Prediction

When somebody is divorced or made homeless it is pretty obvious that they will be angry. They might attack those who they blame or random bystanders. 

Preventing Problems

A system should be in place to register and help the homeless, unemployed, divorced, bereaved, neighbours in disputes, before matters get out of hand.

Relevant Websites

A search online will produce websites related to the country where your computer setting show you to be. If you are on holiday or working in another country, or trying to help somebody in another country, you need to change the wording of your search, or your computer or phone settings.

Divorce

https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/thinking-about-divorce/getting-counselling-to-help-you-during-divorce-or-separation

Redundancy

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/redundancy.html

Eviction

https://england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice

Refugees

https://www.refugeecouncil.org.uk/our-work/mental-health-support-for-refugees-and-asylum-seekers/

Mistakes and Apologies - Training Children & Adults

 It seems we need to train every child and driver and adult what to do in an emergency. From a baby crying, to a road accident to an elderly person's corpse. 

First, a baby is not evil. It cries because it is cold or hungry or tired or wants loving attention. You don't hit it to quieten it. You offer food, hugs, rocking, or a rocking cradle or a ride in a vehicle. 

Secondly, if you make a mistake, such as knocking over somebody's drink in a pub, or causing damage with a vehicle, you apologise. 

Thirdly, if somebody else makes a mistake, you address them politely, not angrily which escalates things.

 Fourthly, it is not safe for children and pets to run around in driveways and on roads where they might be hit by vehicles, wander off, or fall in ditches, or be abducted, or die of starvation or cold. 

Nor is it safe for children and adults to be locked in windowless basements or outbuildings. 

Fifthly, we already have mandatory (in the UK) signs for restaurant staff toilets saying Wash your hands. In restaurants, hospitals and places serving food there should be signs saying, do not touch the blades of knives or tines of forks, bowls of spoons or inside plates, bowls and glasses. 

I have a book which gives children multiple choice questions about what to do in school and visiting homes, telling them the likely result of each choice. Everything from avoiding eye contact with a teach to prolonged unsmiling staring at another pupil, or shoving somebody or prodding them or threatening a child or adult to scare them or 'for a joke'. 

Often running away causes an animal, especially an attack dog, to chase you. 

A friendly pet or animal can get aggressive when hurt, as any vet knows. The animal does not know the pain comes from inside or another source and will attack anybody who approaches or tries to touch it. Even friendly pets should be kept away from or muzzled in the presence of babies and small children who might scream, shout, fall or pull the animal's tail for a joke. 

The same applies to the police. Run or drive away in a hurry and they think that you are a criminal. They fear that if you escape you will make a circle and come up behind them and kill them from behind soon after or another day.

Useful Websites

Problems

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11518965/FedEx-driver-killed-Athena-Strand-7-hit-van-strangled-panicked.html#reader-comments

Solutions

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1187506343/good-choices-vs-bad-choices-behaviour?

https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/942766788/no-biting-a-social-story-for-autism-

You can find lots more books on good and bad behaviour to share with one child or a group.

 If the person doing the questionnaire makes a choice which will likely result in a worse situation, they are told the best answer and are asked to re-do the quiz and try another choice. 

Useful search words are behaviour, choices, tracker, questionnaire, chart, flash card, book.

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Watering and talking to plants

Watering

To prevent waterlogging of the roots, you can have a flower pot with a hole or several in the bottom to allow drainage. And/or put pebbles at the bottom of the pot.

Remembering to water plants

Water in the evening so that the water does not evaporate in the mid-day sun, which would waste the water and cool the plants. Set a timer as a reminder.

To save carrying water backwards and forwards, fill one large capped urn with water and leave it near a balcony or set of patio plants and use this larger container to refill a smaller watering can.

Talking to Plants

 Talking to plants has several practical effects. Firstly, you are breathing out moisture. Secondly, you are obliged to look at them and notice if they need watering or attention. Thirdly, it takes your mind off other stresses and problems. Fourthly, seeing plants growing is positive. Fifthly, plants give out oxygen during photosynthesis which takes place during sunlight in daytime. Sixthly, you create the illusion that you are in control if you are praising them, or thanking them or even threatening them. Lastly, you talk and they listen, which is good for the soul.

5 Minutes! FAST and EASY Way to Make Face Mask

Password Problems Solved

 

Remembering Passwords

After you have changed your password, note the new password with the date in a brightly coloured notebook which is kept in a regular place. 

Pin the opened website on your desktop.

Sharing Passwords

If you are chronically ill or elderly you might want to leave a file of passwords for your descendants or executors. After my uncle died, I had trouble cancelling subscriptions to magazines because their system would not let me into his account to contact anybody without a password.

One solution would have been to create a new temporary account for myself to get into their system, then tell them about my problem with the other account. 

The other solution was to return the unwanted goods with a note that the recipient had died. However, the company's mailing system did not catch up.

Security

For more security, select a random password protector.

Useful Websites

https://www.amazon.sg/Forgot-Password-Problem-Organizer-Journal/

How To Remove Labels From Jars - and recycle jars with new labels

Why leave on a label? Why remove it and how.

1 Why leave on a label?

To remind yourself of what needs replacing when shopping locally. To recall the name when ordering online. To remember to search for it on your next holiday in the country where you bought it. 

2 Why leave on a label? 

As a historic item to display in a museum or to sell to a collector. 

 3 Why leave on a label? You don't know how to remove it. 

To remove a label from a glass jar, wet the label and rub it with your finger. If you don't want to use your finger, anything else can be used to rub. For example, a cloth, sponge, a washing up brush. 

Why remove a label?

If the jar is labelled containing food or drink, after it is emptied, somebody else might use it as a container for something poisonous such as cleaning materials. You do not want somebody to thin a bottle contains whisky, or water, when it has been refilled contains bleach, or paint thinner, or limescale remover.

Now that you have removed the label, what can you do with the empty jar?

1 Use it as a vase for cut flowers or artificial flowers. 

2 Covering a Jar

You could tie a ribbon around it.

2 Use if for storing buttons or ribbons or string.

3 Use it as a pen and pencil caddy. 

Photograph your items on your mobile phone. Upload to your laptop. Print the picture in colour or black and white and stick it on the jar.

If  you are saving ink or the picture comes out small, print it in a frame, by printing a border, or use the window from a window envelope.  is Over it with wrapping paper or magazine pictures or birthday and Xmas gift wrapping paper. 

A tall jar can be used for taller flowers, rulers, kitchen brushes, salad tongs. Use it to store spaghetti.

4 Make A Label

The simplest and quickest is to write on it with pencil, then go over the writing more neatly with a felt tip pen or Biro. 

Improve on this, now or later, by printing a label. Simply type into your laptop, enlarge, choose a fancy or bold typeface, copy half a dozen times to have labels for several jars or all four sides and the lif of the jar. Print. Stick on using glue on the back, Blu-tac, or double sided sticky tape on the back, or photo corners, or clear or coloured sticky tape around the edges or diagonally across the corners.   

Uses For Lids

A lid can be used to cover a cup of coffee to keep it warm or to keep out insects in summer and hot countries.

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What is making holes in the lawn? This time, not squirrels.

 

Two foxes in back garden. Photo by Angela Lansbury.

The first time I saw holes in the lawn, I thought I had caught the culprits a few days later. I saw squirrels, nose down, clawing away frantically at the lawn. 

I thought that there was only one type of hole, and only one type of animal digging. Only one type of animal that likes lawns.

I took this picture on a mobile phone. If you look at this on a mobile phone you can hardly see the foxes. However, if you display on the screen, you see very clearly the two V shapes of their ears. They are listening and watching. To get them to look at the camera I bang on the glass. I had to bang three times.

I sent the picture to our WhatsApp group of family in different addresses and countries.

I said in my comments, I had the feeling I was being watched.

My son replied, So did they. 

One of the foxes left. The other one started digging.

You see foxes race across the road in front of you when driving at night. As we turn into our drive, one races out.

I had considered trying to get rid of the foxes.

Eaters

Our neighbours have a long back garden and put out food for their cat. The food kept disappearing and the cat was still hungry. Then the neighbours saw a fox. So they put out food for the fox when the cat was indoors and fed her indoors.

The fox must have been a vixen, or taking food to a vixen (female fox). It set up a set, if that is the right word.

This was a few years ago. The fox ate the rabbit of my other neighbours. 

Strong Foxes

The rabbit keepers thought they had had a strong wire netting around the rabbit area. Strong wood.

They underestimated a hungry fox. All that was left was white fur.

Anti-Fox

For the rest of that year they would not talk to each other. Not angry. Too embarrassed and upset. I brought them together at a New Year's Day drinks. 

Note the large shallow area which I had thought might be a nest. Just in front of the tree in the foreground. What do you see there? Nothing. A bit like an empty road at night. That doesn't mean there is no traffic.

Photographing Foxes

 Another fox had moved area to the distant right. Half hidden by the lower tree branches. I had to move to another window.

I have a video of one of the foxes.

Useful Websites

Wiki foxes

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fox

https://www.bbcwildlife.org.uk/urban-fox#:~:text=Virtually%20anything.,dogs%2C%20cats%20and%20other%20wildlife.

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Rusting White Clothes Rack Restored - with nail varnish

 

We have a rusting white clothes rack. I asked my husband if he could paint it.

He replied, "No. I would have to sand it down. Then paint it. The shape is awkward. It's not worth the effort."

I was painting my nail with white varnish in the bathroom. I thought to myself, it's a pity I can't get a tiny white paint pot like this varnish. It's a pity I can't use the varnish. Why not try. Nothing to lose. Just a few drops.

I painted over the rust. The rack looked a lot better. 

No rust to stain the clothes. Stops it getting worse. 

Some of the varnish dropped into the base of the bath. i wiped it off fast.

Problem - Overwhelmed By Problems? 20 : Reframing, motivational quotes, more

 1 My Husband's Solution

 I said to my husband: "I have too many problems."

He replied, "They are not problems. They are tasks. 

"Just make a list. Put them in order of priority and work through them."

2 My Son's Solution

I said to my son: "I try to get one major thing done every day. That way I get seven things done every week."

He replied, "Why not try to get three things done every day. Then you'd get three times as many things done. Twenty one things every week."

3 My Neighbour's Solution

I told my neighbour, Alice, who was a nurse before she married, "My mother worries a lot".

Alice replied, "Your other doesn't have enough to do".

Modern Solutions

1 Meditation

2 Water

Drink more water

3 Sleep

Get enough sleep. Set an alarm 30 minutes before bed to allow time to undress, clean teeth, shower or bath, make bed, read.

4 Eat

Snack on fruit, not sugar which gives a spike of energy followed by a decline. 

Go out for a good meal. A change is as good as a rest. 

5 Phone Friends

Phone a friend

6 Call the Samaritans

Keep their number handy.

7 Discard Prablems

Write your problems on a piece of paper and throw them in a wastebin.

Other solutions are burying or burning, but the wastebin is quicker and more environmentally friendly.

8 NLP 

Put your problems in the past. Don't say, I have a pain. Say, I had a pain.

9 Tapping

The tapping solution. Tap your wrist and say an affirmation.

10 Pinboard Affirmation

Write affirmations on post-its and place them on a pinboard to look at and cheer yourself up.

11 Pray. 

12 Advise Yourself

Say your problems aloud. Reflect. Answer as if you were a head teacher advising a pupil. Thank yourself. Nod and say you agree to follow the advice.

13 Pinboard Praises

Whenever you hear a compliment or praise, write it down. Put it in a book, or a jar. When you are sad or discouraged, read all the good things people have said about you.

14 Copy Compliments

When you hear somebody else being praised, instead of being envious, decide whether you would make the effort to achieve what they have achieved. If so, start doing it. 

If not, just write down the compliment, and remember to praise them and others for doing things and making efforts which you would not do. You will make them happy.

15 Pet A Pet

Get a dog. Or cat. Or pet. A fish tank.

If you can't afford a dog, or don't have the space and time, babysit or dog walk a dog for somebody else once a week.

16 Reframe your name

Name and describe yourself positively. For example, rape 'victims' are told not to call themselves 'a victim', but to think of themselves as 'survivor'. 

Do so alliteratively, or with rhyme. Active Angela. Brian the biker. Contented Chloe. Danny the dancer. Efficient Emily. Funny Freddie. Gorgeous Greta. Generous Georgina. Happy Harry. Humorous Hubert. Intelligent Indra. Johnny the joker. Jolly Jasmine. Kathy. Lovely Lucy. Modern Mary. Neat Nora. Organized Olive. Powerful Peter. Recovered, rested Rebecca. Rupert the runner. Sarah the saver. Smiling Sally. Swarna the swimmer.  Tidy Tommy. Early Ursula. Victor the victorious. Wonderful William. Excellent Xavier. Easy-going Yvonne.

17 Write A Speech

Imagine a local school or college has asked you to advise the school leavers on getting a job, studying, getting married, having children, and life. 

Write a list, two lists. Divide a piece of paper in half. On the left write down all the disasters in your life. On the right, write down all the successes. Opposite the disasters, write what you could have done better and differently. Does everybody face that problem, or is it something you faced which you hope they will not have to face? Regarding the successes in life, were they out of the blue? If so, you never know how your luck could change. Or did you work hard for them? If so, that shows hard work pays off.  

Summarise your speech with a catchy phrase. It can start with a bad thing and end with a good one. Think of the book title, Feel the Fear and do it anyway.

How to find and photograph the model number of your hob

 

We have a broken part on a Neff hob. 

What is the part called? The saucepan support. 

I took a photo of it to send to Craig on the Neff chatbox.

He said he needed to know how old the hob was. About twenty years old. 

And what was the model number?

No idea.

The website advises that the number is on the underside. A photo shows the hob with the front raised. 

I told the patient and sympathetic customer services person that I could not lift the hob and was afraid or dislodging wires or pipes.

I sent him a photo of the broken part, above.

He was unable to find the part. He said he had to hunt through lots of catalogues. A pity he did not have them online. He might have been able to do a picture match.

I looked at the picture of the place of the number. Where was it? At the front - or the back. Could you actually see it, from underneath, if you were a contortionist, or was sight of it blocked by a shelf supporting the hob and protecting the electrics or gas pipe?

I found what i thought was a raised section near the front. But how to see it?

I looked around a spotted a magnifying mirror. I tried holding that under the hob, but no luck. What I saw was distorted and dark.

So I called my husband, Trevor. 'Trevor - do you have a torch?'

He said, No, but you have a torch on your mobile phone.

Torch In Phone

You go into settings. Find the symbol for torch. Switch it on. When you have finished, you tap the symbol again to turn off the torch.

Yes, the words and number were there. How to take a photo in the dark? Use flash!

After that, you can expand the picture on the phone. And email it to yourself and then forward it to the appliance maker's spare parts department, or hunt online for a spare parts supplier. i found them on ebay, amazon, and comparison sites.

I pulled out the drawer below the hob and felt.

Make a record of your hob number and email it to yourself. Write it in a book, or on a page of vital information about your property.

At the end of the year, review and recall and remind yourself of all dates. We bought this house in such and such a year. We replaced the car in this year. He bought the oven in that year. We bought from this shop. From that manufacturer. The guarantee and instruction book are in this colour, with this label on this shelf in this room in this property.

Useful websites

ebay

amazon

Neff